ADI 2001 New Zealand -
Presentation by Morris Friedell- Slides 1 to 4
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Slide 1
Hello, I’m Morris Friedell, and this is Christine
Bryden. We are both PWiDs, persons with dementia. The
purpose of this workshop, where we have a number of
PWiDs present, is to help build bridges of communication
between PWiDs and TABs (temporarily able brained persons),
especially within families.
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We
survivors of the trauma of a diagnosis of dementia have once
been in the world of TABs - we know both worlds intimately
- so are in a unique place to build bridges. Our cognition
is faltering, but our emotional sensitivity remains and can
be harnessed for bringing healing to ourselves and our family.
By leading this workshop and engaging with TABs in an exploration
of co-dependency, we can work together to better understand
the dynamics of communication and of dysfunction that can
co-occur with the presence of dementia within the family.
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Slide 1 |
Slide 2
We PWiDs may at first excessively cover up our deficits
and try to act cheerful and normal. This is an example of
co-dependency, where we put our family’s assumed need
ahead of our honest self expression.
It may result from cultural prescriptions to “be strong.”
Or brain damage, particularly if it is diffuse or involves
the frontal lobes, may impair our judgement so we fail to
process the challenge of our diagnosis with dementia. For
a variety of reasons, we pretend at normalcy.
Then as the disease progresses, we tend to give up, because
maintaining this facade becomes impossible and exhausting.
It is just so attractive to become a passive and dependent
victim—this can be rationalized as “acceptance.”
We can become co-dependent and dependent at the same time,
in different areas.
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Slide 2 |
Slide 3
Persons with cancer have often found that it is good to communicate
openly, rather than cover up in shame. We think the same applies
to us, so we have “come out” as PWiDs.
If we openly and honestly speak our minds and hearts - if
we tell it like it is for us and say what we want, we are
breaking out of our patterns of co-dependency and dependency,
and reclaiming our lives.
We PWiDs should seriously consider taking the initiative in
communication. Even though we are slower, we have the advantage
of having been where you are. Being a TAB and living in your
world is deeply ingrained in our largely-preserved long-term
memories.
Who would know a second language better - a person who reads
quickly or a person who has lived where that language is spoken?
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Slide 3 |
Slide 4
One thing that can’t be overemphasised is the complex,
overwhelming, often obscure and gradual yet irregular progression
of losses that occur in dementia.
Normal grief reactions have evolved to cope with sudden death,
promoting a healing process. The analogy is the frog being
dropped into hot water, who will jump out and save itself.
But in cases of ambiguous loss, when dysfunction is reminiscent
of normal behavior under stress and so-called “windows
of lucidity” make the PWiD at times seem almost normal,
the grief reaction is frozen. It’s like the frog being
placed in cold water which is slowly heated to boiling, who
stays there and dies.
Co-dependency may be a sign of unresolved or 'frozen' grief.
Additionally, it may be a feature of a complicated grief reaction,
because there was a prior family dysfunction and vulnerability
to the stress of dealing with dementia.
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Slide 4 |
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